Anyway back to the topic at hand. I’m not a big fan of the movie Pretty Woman. It might have something to do with the fact that I was only 7 when the movie came out in 1990 (I did some actual research) and therefore didn’t catch any of the subtle nuisances of the movie, that and I was too young to give a damn about the romantic notions of love. Other movies that I’ve been told that I should appreciate but don’t: “Ghandi”, “Sleepless in Seattle” and “Gone with the Wind.”
As I mentioned earlier Pretty Woman romanticises the world’s oldest profession. I fear that little girls watching Pretty Woman might aspire to be nothing more than one of those Lansdowne Road working girl (which I had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting). Hoping that on one cold night a limousine encasing a rich, educated, handsome gentleman will pull up and simply as for directions. They are more likely to accosted by a married middle aged guy driving a 1997 Ford Escort who would be expecting just a little more than directions from her. He’s also likely to give her a little more than just cash, something that will leave a burning sensation every time she urinates. Girls should be well aware of the fact that being a hooker is a hard job and there are quite a few pricks out there.
Reason two is it like fairytales it perpetuates the like that women actually require a man to save them from their miserable existence. And just like some fairytales it should be handed out with a warning. No seriously. Let’s look at how sexist the following fairytales are: Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Cinderella, Rapunzel and Red Riding Hood.
Sleeping Beauty
A pretty girl (aren’t they all) finds a spindle in an attic and decides to spin. Say what? How many modern women do you know what actually voluntarily knit or sew for fun? It gets worse. She pricks her finger and remains comatose until some guy rescues her. Summary: Pretty girl with no intentions other than being a good wife finds herself in a hapless situation and needs a RICH guy to save her sorry ass.
Snow white
Pretty girl (noticing a trend?) is hated by an older vain woman who is fearful of being replaced by a younger model. Snow white escapes woman’s clutches by cooking and cleaning for seven short men. (Once again woman is placed in a domesticated role). Snow white eventually succumbs to eating a poison apple and chokes. And guess who helps Snow white out of this pickle. A RICH man does!
Cinderella
This one really gets to me. Cindy is treated as a slave by her stepmother and stepsisters. But she never complains. The only time Cindy gets upset is when she’s not allowed to go to the ball. What the fuck? Is this girl shallow or what? You’re forced to do manual labour each day but the thing that really gets you is that you can’t play dress up? Cindy eventually gets her way and dances with prince but runs out at 12 before he even gets her number. The only way for the Prince will find Cindy is by asking every maiden in the village to try on a glass slipper. (And to this very day women still force their feet into shoes that will promise to cut off all feeling, when they go out clubbing). Man, I hope Cindy was wearing a mask when she was at the ball otherwise I really need someone to explain to me why the Prince was incapable of identifying Cindy without the assistance of the slipper.
Rapunzel
Girl with long hair is trapped in a tower. She lets down her hair so that her boyfriend can come up for some nookie. Boyfriend is like all modern men. He realises that he’s onto a good thing. He gets the milk for free and doesn’t have to deal with any commitment issues – Rapunzel is after all trapped in her Ivory Tower. He therefore makes absolutely no plans to rescue her. The witch who had Rapunzel incarcerated finds out when she realises that Rapunzel is preggies. (What you didn’t read the Grimm’s fairytale version?) Witch cuts Rapunzel’s hair, tricks boyfriend into climbing up the tower, boyfriend is shocked to find its not his concubine and jumps out of the tower, blinding himself forever. Oh wait this one breaks the mould – hot rich guy not there to save her. Agh, well I enjoyed imparting the fact that a jackass boyfriend got his just desserts.
Red Riding Hood
I’m not sure if this one was pretty but she sure was stupid. She couldn’t even tell the difference between a wolf and her grandmother. She too was rescued by a man.
You are so right about Pretty Woman. Also your description of Little Red Riding Hood cracked me up.
I don’t like Pretty Women either, but mainly because it’s boring, not funny, cliched and just far too damn long.
Although I like that it has George from Seinfeld in it.
Ha ha: George in Seinfeld was in it? Was he the horrible guy who tried to take advantage of Julia Roberts?
Jess: Thanks
You compared “Gandhi” with “Sleepless in Seattle.” Brilliant!
I see your point, but maybe it’s just a movie and there is no lesson to be learned, aside from the fact that Julia Roberts has a huge mouth and polo players are assholes.
Mickey: But if I don’t learn things from television then where will I learn things from? Reading books or the newspaper? Ha! Gandhi and Sleepless have something in common. They’re BORING!
Damn. Well I mean… what about Hercules?
I mean, girls didn’t go for him until he got huge?
…
I got nothing.
SO@24: Hercules? Hmmm … I’ve going to need a day or two to think about that one. I’m sure I can think of something deprecating.
I LOVED this.
But I also love Pretty Woman.
So it’s a trade-off.
Yeah! I hated it as well but strangely enough I quite liked My Fair Lady, which has a lot of similarities.
I think it’s all these ‘women need a man’ type films that keep the multi-billion dollar wedding business going.
I try not to think about any of it. Keeps me from crumbling.
Great post, though.
I agree with you. I still enjoy all the fairytales today, but with a wisdom I didn’t have when I was a kid. Me and my friends call all those movies and boy band songs “empty promises.” I still think they’re fun to watch, but I don’t believe in them anymore.
Interrresting, because Pretty Woman compares itself with fairy tales (what’s-her-face’s friend says at one point ‘Cinder-fucking-ella’)
The thing is, fairy tales are supposed to be cliche and simple because they’re trying to bop you over the head with a moral.
Movies are smidge above them – doesn’t what’s-his-face also learn something from what’s-her-face? I thought he grew a little.
At least, that’s what the movie formula would have you think, and I’m sure Pretty Woman follows the movie formula because it’s pretty damned cliche itself.
interesting post! You should read up on some femisist post-critical theory
Have you read Politically Correct Bedtime Stories which redresses the hypocrisies and anomalies to be found in fairy stories!
No, I never understood what all the fuss was about re Pretty Woman either. And Julia Roberts had stunt double legs!
Very funny post Sid. I’m ashamed to admit that I think I quite liked Pretty Woman when it came out, but then I was 19 at the time and at that semi-impressionable age. Call me independent, but I’ve never wanted a rich man to rescue me, although as I head quickly towards my 40s I’m kind of coming around to the idea ha ha!!
B2G: I’m judging you (-;
Flowers: Never read or watched My Fair Lady. But will make a plan to do so.
Ashley: I don’t think we should expect a guy to save us. I think that we should hope for a guy to share our sorrows and partake in our joys.
Kitty: I remember the Cinder-fucking-rella thing. Feminist post critical theory … Google here I come.
Poet: I actually gave that book to En-dee! as a birthday present. Never got around to reading it myself )-:
Fish: You don’t need saving. Just company. And if it comes with an expense account who are you to say no?
Sounds like somebody’s getting awful mad at her Prince for keeping her waiting!
I don’t disagree with anything you’ve said here, but I’ve learned that when you have time to deconstruct gender roles in fairy tales, it means you need to get some tail, fairy or otherwise.
I dislike Pretty Woman because Julia Roberts has a horse face, so at least half the title is a lie.
Pistols: Is it that obvious?
very descriptive. now I have quite a few years on you, so I have some different takes on the damsel in distress routine. I was brought up to believe men can actually fix everything! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha
sorry, had to pause with extreme laughter there. another thing I have learned is that no one is going to take care of me but me. goes for all women. we can do a better job of it ourselves.
love the way you write, sid. i will be back.
The princess: Thanks. Yeah one thing that my dad has always impressed on me is to never rely on men. Get yourself a good education, work hard at your job so that if your husband ever gives you any trouble tell him to get the f*ck out of YOUR house.