Verbal Diarrhoea

My dearest friend and colleague Technician will be leaving me. She says that she’s been offered a full scholarship to study in at the University of Calgary next year, so I’m not taking the departure personally. Of course she might just be saying so in an attempt not to hurt my feelings. That’s the type of person Technician is. She doesn’t like to confront people so I wouldn’t be surprised at all if she were simply emigrating to put some distance between us.

Seriously though, I’m really going to miss Technician’s company. We’ve only been working together for a year but I’ve really become attached to her.

One of the things that I’m going to miss about Technician is the way she reverted to a shy little schoolgirl every time a hot guy walks into the lab. She fully understood that pretty people are essential for your spiritual wellbeing. Pretty people do not require a personality or vocal cords – in fact some pretty people would be better off without vocal cords which would ultimately betray their stupidity. Pretty people improve the aesthetical appeal of the working environment. By simply existing pretty people provide a great service to humanity. Thank you, pretty people.

I’m also going to miss the religious conversations I had with Technician. Technician isn’t a religious fanatic so our conversations weren’t at all solemn. In fact our conversations would probably be considered as blasphemy. We once spent an entire hour ‘discussing’ why God created earth and humans; gave us freedom of choice and then penalises us for making the wrong choice.

Besides religious topics, Technician was pretty much knowledgeable on pretty much everything. Between her and UN I never really had to use Wikipedia. They are/were my walking encyclopaedias. If there was anything at all I needed to know all I needed to do was open my mouth and their replies would be without hubris (I learnt a new word today).

I really am going to miss Technician’s company and have no idea what I’ll do when she leaves at the end of this month. Do some actual work at place of employment? That’s cute. Nah, I’ll probably just inundate UN with emails until he threatens to issue a restraining order against me (like that’ll stop me).*

To Technician, if you’re reading this, thanks for your friendship and honesty. I have learnt a lot from you. I hope that Canada is everything that you hoped it would be and that the various modules that you will be undertaking for your Masters won’t be a complete bore. And maybe, maybe, just maybe I’ll visit you in Canada. Or better yet, maybe you, Stuart and I will live in New York for a bit, just like those people on that crazy comedy show ‘Friends’.

Bye.

* This reminds me of something. I was asked a guy let’s call him GP, if you could stop forwarding various job adverts to me since I was already receiving these emails from a mutual friend. He replied with a, “But I enjoy filling your inbox”. Yeah … more about GP some other time, or maybe never, I’m unpredictable that way.