Verbal Diarrhoea

In this month’s Runner’s World there were three articles that attracted my attention: Marathon Des Sables, It’s About Time and Human Race.

According to the contents page Human Race is about a teen who “defies epilepsy and dramatically improves his health through running.” According to the article Jaundré (our teen hero in this tale) used to suffer up to 14 epileptic fits a day, “despite heavy doses of anti-convulsive medication”. Since taking up running, he can go weeks without experiencing a seizure. “At most he has four seizures over a period of three months”.

Enter a heavy dose of cynicism from my side. I won’t deny that there are health benefits to exercise; I just need a little more than the anecdotal evidence of parents to believe that running decreases the number of seizures to such a degree. I want the opinion of five qualified medical doctors. I want to know if his diet has changed in anyway. I want to know if he’s switched drugs. I want bar graphs!  

Anyway, at least the parents aren’t advocating that others swap epileptic drugs for exercise. That my friends, smells a little too much like a certain Scientologist mocking a celebrity for “indulging” in anti-depressants. Postnatal depression is real, you fucktard!

What did however impress me about Jaundré Niemandt was the fact that he managed to complete a 10km race in 68 minutes. 68 minutes! Do you know how incredible that is? Seriously? Do you have any idea how hard I have to push myself in order to beat a time like that? Do you have any idea how many pep talks I have to give myself? It takes a lot of mental energy to force myself to continue at such a speed and here’s this boy who needs two people to hold his hands while running, and his kicking my ass. If that’s not inspiring, I’m not sure what is.

Busy. Always …

Quote from the movie, “Invention of Lying”.

Jennifer: No. But I enjoy the end result of the job which is money. And the hours are pretty good for the amount of money I make, which I spend on things I like, such as clothes, hiking, drinking – even though I know it’s bad for me. (PAUSE) But I’d rather just get all the money and not work for the results.

This is the quote that popped into my head as I thought of travel destinations. Right now the list of cities/countries that I’d like to explore has grown exponentially.

The original desire to explore one city/country in each continent BEFORE revisiting a continent has waned. I guess I’d always assumed that I’d only ever have money to travel to five destinations and that I’d better make those good choices. But with two promotions in as many years, there is no pressing need. There’s suddenly this belief that there’ll always be time … there’ll always be money.

(Of course there’s also the fear that I’ll spend so much time vacillating over a destination that I’ll never travel).

After seeing this picture I’m currently in love with Amsterdam. More pictures of awesome European destinations available HERE.

*You can find the script for the Invention of Lying here. And yes, occasionally I read the sections of TV/movie scripts even AFTER I’ve already watched the movie.  Sometimes the dialogue is just too good not to indulge.

On Sunday I was looking at babies.

In the whole history of Sid Kane, this is an unprecedented event. My usual stance of “Oh holy mother of fuck, why would anyone do THAT to their vagina” was replaced by looks of yearning, looks that has heretofore been reserved for hooker heels and men with really broad shoulders.

I’m talking about desire. For a baby. I Sid Kane, who previously duct taped a nappy to a kid’s ass and has often referred to kids as “rugrats”, am overcome with the sudden desire to have a little one.

 And all I wanted was the simple things

A simple kind of life

And all I needed was a simple man

So I could be a wife

It got so bad that while lounging at La Perla, I ignored any hot men in the near vicinity. Noting my fascination with the little buggers, Cazz finally commented, “You want a life altering experience? How about having one of those?”

Me: I did think about it but to be honest with you Cazz, I don’t think the parents would be too happy with me abducting their kids. Parents are kinda touchy that way.

I always thought I’d be a mom

Sometimes I wish for a mistake

The longer that I wait the more selfish that I get

You seem like you’d be a good dad

*Sigh*

I’m not quite sure what else to tell you guys. I guess I just don’t really want to tell you guys that for the longest time ever I’ve had this image in my head of me standing in front of my bedroom window, watching my husband and kids play soccer. Of course as the years have passed this vision has evolved to include me holding a camera, which has now become as much a part of me as my appendages.

Now all those simple things are simply too complicated for my life

How’d I get so faithful to my freedom?

A selfish kind of life

When all I ever wanted was the simple things

A simple kind of life

(Just reread this and can’t believe how girly and honest I am. And on a public forum no less. God I want to puke.)

Yesterday I went to bed at around 5:30 and didn’t wake up until 6:45 this morning. That’s more than 12 hours sleep. Hell, I didn’t even get to eat supper. I got home, ate a handful of Cheerios and then went to bed.

Anyway, by now you’ve probably all heard that Paris Hilton was arrested for allegedly smoking pot in Port Elizabeth. Not to left an opportunity to mock a celebrity go by, Nandos came up with THIS brilliant ad:

And in other awesome things I’ve discovered:

• THIS blog allows readers to freely download mixed tapes created by the blogger himself and his friend, Liz. Some of the songs on offer are Sunny Afternoon by The Kinks, Cap Cod Kwassa Kwassa by Vampire Weekend and Lasso by Phoenix.
• And then there’s Peter Callesen, a Danish contemporary artists. Peter has this amazing talent of turning boring, flat pieces of A4 paper into stunning 3D installations. Here’s an example of some of his work.

This is called “In the Shadow of an Orchid”, 2005.

Found anything interesting on the web lately?

Dad beats 2 year old stepdaughter to death for daring to cry during a World Cup Soccer match. After breaking the girl’s ribs and eventually killing her, Hector Castro actually shoved a bolt down her throat in an attempt to make look like she choked to death.

 *

A South African doctor has invented, vaginal dentures (term coined by the ever witty Dizzy*). The idea behind the female condoms with jagged teeth-like hooks is to prevent a woman from being raped. The idea is that everytime I woman goes out, that she inserts this device. I have a number of concerns regarding this preventative technique but at am too busy to outline them.

And in today’s news – controversial toilets (now that’s something you don’t hear every day). City authorities have “swooped down” on Makhaza, Khayelitsha and dismantled 65 of the corrugated iron structures they refer to as toilets.  The result is that angry residents are now throwing stones at passing cars.

*

Oh yes, did I mention that my uncle (who’s 54) and his wife (she’s at least 15 years younger than my uncle) are planning on climbing Mount Everest next year. These are the very same people who climbed Kilimanjaro with me.

Busy.

But if you’re looking for something funny to read head on over to Jack and Jill. They talk about poop and clogging up the toilet.

Morning

I’m seriously busy at the moment and don’t really have time to entertain you. I would however like to share THIS with you. Desert Demon looks at the Stoning of Soraya M, a film that debutted at the Toronto Film Festival. The film was banned in Iran due to “its implied criticism of the Irani Judicial System and viewers elsewhere were warned of its graphic depiction of stoning. Film critics said that not since The Passion of the Christ had there been such an explicit scene of execution.”

To read up more on Desert Demons thoughts on the movie and Islamic laws, click on THIS LINK.

Cheers

I’d walked into the dressing cubicle with 5 items – 3 of them dresses, none of which I would end up buying. I shed off my clothes and discarded the rumpled mess on the floor like unwanted skin. And as I prepared to shimmy into one of the dresses, I couldn’t help but notice my reflection. There I was, standing in nothing but my underwear and for once I wasn’t beating myself up for all my flaws. There I was, standing in front of a mirror and ACTUALLY thinking, “Nice ass”.

There was this lecherous boy in my high school who couldn’t keep his hands to himself. Everyday I’d feel his hands on my ass. It drove shit ass crazy and not in that “I-want-to-tear-off-your-clothes-with-my-bare-teeth” kinda way. No sirree, I wanted to stomp all over that fucker’s balls.

Of course I wasn’t the only girl who was harassed by this fucktard. One day he grabbed my friend’s ass. Seconds after the offending act and from rather a safe distance, he couldn’t help but remark, “You’ve got a jelly bum.”

Talk about adding insult to injury.

*

Anyway, I’m currently reading George Orwell’s The Road to Wigan Pier. Here’s my favourite passage from the book.

She looked up as the train passed, and I was almost near enough to catch her eye. She had a round pale face, the usual exhausted face of the slum girl who is twenty-five and looks forty, thanks to miscarriages and drudgery; and it wore, for the second in which I saw it, the most desolate, hopeless expression I have ever seen. It struck me that we are mistaken when we say that ‘It isn’t the same for them as it would be for us’ and people bred in the slums can imagine nothing but the slum. For what I saw in her face was not the ignorant suffering of an animal. She knew well enough what was happening to her – understood as well as I did how dreadful a destiny it was kneeling there in the bitter cold, on the slimy stones of a slum backyard, poking a stick up a foul drain-pipe.

*
I’m not sure how many of you are aware of this but Uganda has proposed an anti-gay law whereby homosexuals could be executed for having gay sex. Under the new law individuals who is caught promoting homosexuality, aiding and abetting homosexuality and keeping a house “for purposes of homosexuality”, will be sent to prison for five years and are liable to a fine of 100 million Ugandan shillings. The new bill basically states that homosexuality is a mental disorder and that it is “preventable, especially among young people who are most vulnerable to recruitment”.