Just another day

At the end of last year The Boy, formerly known as MFH, stopped working for the institution. This wasn’t the first time that he stopped working for the institution. He’d bid his adieus the previous year, told us that his contract had come to an end and that he was officially unemployed. All of this was said as casually as if we were discussing the weather. A few weeks later, and he was back, this time in a different capacity.

Last year however his announcement was tinged with anger and bitterness. From his long rant, I was to understand that he would not return, under any circumstances. This would be the last time that I would see him. Truth be told, I wasn’t sad to see the back of him. We’d shared many laughs, especially in the last two years of his employment (before that, my existence barely registered), but near the end his snide remarks had gotten to me, and he was beginning to pervade my nightmares.

So yesterday, as I was returning from the kitchen, toast in hand, I was surprised to spy him entering my lab. My initial reaction was to stop and consider retreating. But where would I hide? I entertained this ridiculous thought for all of two seconds, before continuing on my journey to the lab. Toast in hand, wary smile on lips.

Looking back, I guess I was afraid. Afraid that things might be awkward. That we’d look at each other and have nothing to say. Or worst that he’d say to me in anger, “I hear that you’ve been talking smack about me. Telling everyone that I’d been difficult to work with. That you’re having nightmares about me.”

But none of this came to pass. He saw me entering the lab and stepped forward.

“I was going to give you a hug, but that’s probably not appropriate.”

“No, no that’s probably not appropriate.” But what I actually meant to say is, “I don’t like hugs. Never have.”

“Do you still run?” I asked.

And just like that, we settled into our old routine of swapping tales. I’d tell him a short anecdote, and then I’d wait 5, maybe 10 seconds, watching as his face, as the cogs in mind whirred away recalling some distance memory. My patience was always rewarded with an outlandish tale – his cat peeing on his toothbrush, nipples bled raw during some marathon …

Anyway, the lesson that I’d like to take from this experience is whenever I’m feeling socially awkward, the best way to get someone talking, is to ask them about something they love. Sounds like common sense right? Yeah well, common sense isn’t exactly my strong suit.

A list of things that annoy me

I’m currently very skeptical at the moment which is good for you because I have a lot to bitch about.

Things that annoy me:

1) The lazy black guy at work
The company I work for is currently employing the Black Economic Empowerment strategy. Now I don’t really mind this because I’m considered black. What does piss me off is when people of colour think they’re indispensable and don’t pull their weight. There are still a few white people in South Africa that think that all people of colour are incompetent and by pulling a stunt like these you’re just giving them more ammunition. I also hate the fact that the directors and big guys have an entire file on the desk, depicting all the despicable things that this particular black guy has done but are too afraid to do anything because he might pull the race card. Fuck that shit. Fire the cheeky little bastard.

2) Girls who play dumb down or pretend to be useless to get a guy
I have noticed many smart women employ this tactic. Now I have no problem with girls employing the above strategies to get a guy to say, change their car wheel but when it is employed to hook a guy; then it pisses me off. If you want to boast a guy’s ego why don’t you simply try complimenting him instead of making him believe you’re a helpless, dumbass?

3) When my mom criticizes the way I dress
The diatribe about my fashion sense can be divided into two streams. The first is when she compliments what I’m wearing and then asks me why I can’t dress like this everyday. Internal response, “Because I’m not trying to impress anyone at work. Fuck I’m just trying to make it through the day without committing a homicide.”

The other stream of attack is slightly more direct. It something like this, “Those shoes don’t go with that outfit.” This comes from a woman who constantly goes out of the house in floral tracksuits.

4) When people assume I’m the secretary because I answer the phone
I don’t really think the above needs much explaining