Verbal Diarrhoea

I found the following video over at Bangers And Nash. Give it a listen. You’ll absolutely love it.

My gran, she’s 78 and she recently underwent a mastectomy.

When asked how she was doing, I said, “Fine. She’s walking and …” I trailed off. I guess that it was hard to explain; that the operation hadn’t dampened her spirit. That she was the same tenacious woman I’d always known.

You should meet my gran. She’s a … the word “battleaxe” comes to mind. My mother, when she’s angry, she screams. She’s unrelenting, and usually her anger reduces me to a blubbering idiot, unable to utter a word, let alone string a sentence together. My gran … well, she gives as good as it gets. Her screams matches that of my mother. Occasionally she’ll throw in a curse word or two, just for good measure. My gran must be the only 70 year old that I know, who uses the word “voetsek”.

Anyway, about a week after the operation, it was Mother’s Day. All my maternal uncles and aunts gathered at my mom’s house for lunch. We had fish breyani and mutton curry. And after lunch, I found myself in the kitchen drying the dishes. And every so often I’d step back into the dining room to eavesdrop.

“She was washing me yesterday,” indicating my mom. “And I cried. And I know it’s wrong of me, but I just can’t get it into my head that I’m old.”

It’s weird, but even though my gran has had a mastectomy, a couple of heart attacks and is going deaf, it wasn’t until that moment, that I realized how frail she was. I guess you see what you want to see.

Don’t stop, just keep going on
I’m your shoulder lean upon
So come on, deliver from inside
All we got is tonight that is right till first light
Walking on the Dream – Empire of the sun

Love and Wine. It’s a blog series. The idea is that every Thursday you talk about the things that make you happy, and the things that drive you a little bit closer to alcoholism. (Of course Suki’s wording is slightly more diplomatically.)

Love

• In just over a week’s time, yours truly will be heading off to Kruger National Park, in the hopes of spotting a lion or two. And two of my favourite people will be accompanying me on this adventure – Fahiema and Cougar. I am so excited!
• I finally managed to pluck up the nerve to attend a hot yoga class. I’ve been meaning to attend for months now, but was intimidated by the idea of walking into a class by myself; of failing miserably. Turns out I had nothing to fear. The employees were gracious, and no one, absolutely no one, gives a crap about whether or not you can hold a pose. It’s definitely something I’ll try again.
• Game of thrones. I’m currently reading the first book and watching the second season. I’ve also purchased the second book. It’s just so compelling, I can’t wait to see how it all ends.

Hate

• The petrol attendant at my local BP. He calls me his angel. Ugh!
• The price of petrol. R200 used to last me a week. Not anymore …
• My hair. It’s so dry and dull. I think it’s time I made an appointment with the hairdresser.
• My silver watch, a birthday gift from my dad, broke while I was hiking up Lionshead. I’m telling myself that this is God’s way of saying, “It’s time you bought that DKNY watch you’ve been eyeing.” Coz that’s how God works, right?

At the end of last year The Boy, formerly known as MFH, stopped working for the institution. This wasn’t the first time that he stopped working for the institution. He’d bid his adieus the previous year, told us that his contract had come to an end and that he was officially unemployed. All of this was said as casually as if we were discussing the weather. A few weeks later, and he was back, this time in a different capacity.

Last year however his announcement was tinged with anger and bitterness. From his long rant, I was to understand that he would not return, under any circumstances. This would be the last time that I would see him. Truth be told, I wasn’t sad to see the back of him. We’d shared many laughs, especially in the last two years of his employment (before that, my existence barely registered), but near the end his snide remarks had gotten to me, and he was beginning to pervade my nightmares.

So yesterday, as I was returning from the kitchen, toast in hand, I was surprised to spy him entering my lab. My initial reaction was to stop and consider retreating. But where would I hide? I entertained this ridiculous thought for all of two seconds, before continuing on my journey to the lab. Toast in hand, wary smile on lips.

Looking back, I guess I was afraid. Afraid that things might be awkward. That we’d look at each other and have nothing to say. Or worst that he’d say to me in anger, “I hear that you’ve been talking smack about me. Telling everyone that I’d been difficult to work with. That you’re having nightmares about me.”

But none of this came to pass. He saw me entering the lab and stepped forward.

“I was going to give you a hug, but that’s probably not appropriate.”

“No, no that’s probably not appropriate.” But what I actually meant to say is, “I don’t like hugs. Never have.”

“Do you still run?” I asked.

And just like that, we settled into our old routine of swapping tales. I’d tell him a short anecdote, and then I’d wait 5, maybe 10 seconds, watching as his face, as the cogs in mind whirred away recalling some distance memory. My patience was always rewarded with an outlandish tale – his cat peeing on his toothbrush, nipples bled raw during some marathon …

Anyway, the lesson that I’d like to take from this experience is whenever I’m feeling socially awkward, the best way to get someone talking, is to ask them about something they love. Sounds like common sense right? Yeah well, common sense isn’t exactly my strong suit.

The last of Juan’s birthday pics. We celebrate his birthday by having pizza at Massimo’s, before heading off to Pirates for some debauchery.

It’s past 12 and I’ve just arrived back from the Michael B ublé concert. And oh my god, he is so good. He’s not just a fantastic singer, but a wonderful performer. So funny. So charismatic. Love him.

Anyway, here are a few pictures I took at Juan’s birthday party. The party was held at Massimo’s and boy do I have stories to tell. Unfortunately for you, I have more important things to attend to. And by more important things, I totally mean “Grey’s Anatomy”.

2012 Life list updates for April

• Read 2 books – To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee and When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris. I think this is like the 7th time I’ve read To Kill a Mockingbird. Currently reading Game of Thrones.   
• Surfed once.
• Attempted 2 new dessert recipes – Sesame seed biscuits (cookies) and brownie. The sesame seed biscuits were absolutely disgusting. The brownies were okay, I should have used dark chocolate instead.
• Managed a new PB for a 15km race – 1:22. That’s an entire 10 minutes off my previous PB. A sub 2:10 for a 21km still eludes me.
• And had pizza at Massimo’s in Hout Bay. Pictures below were taken at Massimo’s.

• Plane tickets to Kruger National Park have been booked.
• I’ve agreed to run the Cape Town Marathon in September. 
• And I’m going to the Michael Buble concert on Thursday. So excited!

The Snarky One is currently in Florence. This is her view from the rooftop of the hotel. Naturally I’m suffering from a severe case of the jealousies.

Anyway, I’ll be jetting off to Kruger on the 22 May. I will be there for 10 days. Still debating whether I should head on over to Mozambique/Malawi directly after that, or head on home. Tough decisions.

Yesterday the second CouchSurfing Cape Town Amazing Race was held. The event was sponspored by Five Flies and Pesto Princess.

Cougar and fellow team member at the starting point, Arnold’s. 

We met up at Arnold’s on 60 Kloof Street, where we paid our registration fee (R20), synchronised our watches, were placed into groups of 4 and debriefed.

Twisted gun in the Waterfront.

Here are some examples of clues given:

Clue 1: In Cape Town city bowl, a vagina is very busy. Bring it’s schedule.

Answer: The Labia Cinema.

Clue 2: In Observatory find the unmistable sitting furniture.

Answer: Armchair Theatre.

Stopping for a snack at MacDs.

Clue 3: In Waterfront, Max has been blinded. He used to be able to see until he lost this organ. Find the place where it used to be.

Answer: Imax.

Climbing the walls. City Rock, Observatory.

As you can tell from the photos, we had a blast. Not only did I meet a few crazy interesting individuals, this was also a great way to explore the city.

Congratulations to our Cougar for winning the R500 Five Flies Restaurant Murder Mystery voucher for two. Oh and Cougar, if you’re looking for a partner, remember that not only am I great at solving murder mysteries, but I’m also willing to put out. *wink wink, nudge nudge*

Thanks so much for the Cape Town CouchSurfing community for organising!